10 Tips On How To Overcome Wedding Anxiety
I’m your typical type-A, perfectionist, over-the-top planner. I’m a spreadsheet wizard, an organization queen, and a pretty darn good bargain finder. You’d think that a girl like me was MADE for wedding planning. The moment that ring hit my finger I was visualizing the big day in my mind; never did I think the week of my wedding would be overshadowed by anxiety.
According to the New York Times, Forty-seven percent of engaged and newlywed couples said the process was so stressful they considered eloping or getting married at city hall, according to a 2018 survey of 500 engaged and newlywed couples. Fifty-six percent reported elevated anxiety, 37 percent had difficulty sleeping, and 10 percent loss of sex drive because of wedding planning stress.
Wedding planning is intense. The to-do list alone can send new brides into a state of shock and don’t even get me started on the prices of everything (a photographer costs HOW much?). Then, there are all of these expectations about how you (and your family) will want the day to unfold.
From budget-related discussions to decision-making about the venue to tough family convos, triggers are lurking everywhere. Here are 10 tips to help keep Wedding planning stress and anxiety at bay so you can enjoy the process and be the cool, calm bride you always wanted to be.
1. Get organized
Staying organized while wedding planning is a lot easier said than done. From managing contracts to guest lists to to-do’s it’s easy for things to get messy. Taking some time to get (and keep) things organized will help you to avoid stress and anxiety later on. Consider using a free wedding to-do list manager like this one from Trello. This article has some great tips for staying organized as well.
2. Define your non-negotiables
In the days of Pinterest and Instagram, it’s all too easy to get caught up in the fairytale wedding of your dreams. Staying focused on what matters to you will help you prioritize your to-do’s and allocate your time (and your finances) towards the things that you value most. Have you and your partner write down all of your wedding day “wants”, circling the top 3, then share them with each other. Having this will ensure both of you have a wedding that reflects your values and you’ll be able to make decisions more easily down the road.
3. Prepare for unexpected events
Imperfection is inevitable and no matter how well you plan, life is full of surprises. Everyone has that one little thing (or multiple) that went awry on their wedding day. On my wedding day, a huge gust of wind nearly blew our tent over and knocked all of our flower vases over, soaking every table cloth just a couple of hours prior to the ceremony. Fortunately, nothing broke and our family members were able to get everything sorted out in time.
These 5 tips will help you prepare for the unexpected
Give yourself a 10% buffer in your wedding budget
Don’t bet on the weather - have a backup plan
Get everything in writing
Allow yourself plenty of time for deliveries and orders so you don’t run into a last-minute pinch if something is delayed
Take time to communicate your desires clearly to your vendors.
Remember, anything that goes awry will probably go completely unnoticed by your guests and even if they do notice, the surprises often make for the best stories later on.
4. Set boundaries
No one wants to deal with wedding planning drama but sometimes you just can’t please everyone. Try not to get swept up in other people's opinions. There are ways to be considerate, take suggestions, and do your best to accommodate certain needs, but at the end of the day, it’s your wedding. I love this article from offbeatbride.com. It has practical advice and some great copy and paste responses for when someone tries to force their opinions on you. My favorite?
“Sometimes I wish we could get married twice so that we could integrate all your great ideas, but since we only have one wedding, we're having to make some hard choices … including not doing some of the things you'd suggested. Thanks in advance for being so understanding — wedding planning is more difficult than I'd expected, and your patience with me as I stumble around trying to figure it all out is super appreciated.”
5. Take breaks
Wedding planning is a lot of work, but it should also be fun and exciting! Anytime you feel like you’re getting burned out and the process is no longer enjoyable - take a break. Have a fun date night with your fiance, pop some bubbly to celebrate your progress, or unwind with a bubble bath. You deserve it!
6. Delegate, then delegate some more
Speaking of things not being enjoyable…Take a look at your to-do list and for pete’s sake DELEGATE at least one thing to your partner, a bridesmaid, and a family member. Wedding planning all by yourself is a lot to handle and people want to help. Don’t feel bad for asking for support.
7. Check in with yourself
You probably expected wedding planning to at least be a little stressful, but what happens when you're consumed in anxiety? Know that you’re not alone in this. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, seek the support of a close friend, therapist, or premarital counselor. Sometimes just having someone to talk to can ease your worries.
Before your wedding day arrives, take some time to also identify your needs. That will look different for everyone. Maybe you need an hour in the morning to practice yoga solo, a 20-minute break in a quiet space prior to the ceremony to center yourself, or a dance party with your bridesmaids to shake off any stress. If there are any moments that are seriously stressing you out (like a speech or first dance), ditch them entirely or find ways to make them more manageable.
8. Master Your Mindset
As a hypnotherapist, I believe in the power of mindset more than anything else! Take 10 minutes to journal out your wedding day. Create the day in your mind in crystal clear detail and write it out in the present tense. For example, you could write, “As I walk down the aisle I look out and see the happy, smiling faces of my family and friends. Our closest friends are all standing at the altar and my fiance is staring at me as though I’m the only one there.” Focus more on the special moments and the feelings you’ll have than the decor or the venue. Then revisit this journal or take those statements about how you’re going to feel and turn them into powerful affirmations that you can reference frequently.
9. Craft a Day Of Support Plan
If you’re feeling especially anxious, identify one or two close friends that you trust to help support you mentally throughout your big day. Let them know you’re feeling stressed or anxious and would appreciate it if they could be there to support you. You can ask that they check in on you periodically, help you find a quiet space if you need a break, tell you “you’re needed elsewhere” if you’re getting swept away in small talk with your great aunt, or make sure that you’re eating and drinking water. Above all, don’t forget your partner. They are your #1 and are there to support you - that’s why you’re getting married after all.
10. Focus on what matters, let go of the rest
Once you’ve put in all of the work, drop all of the shoulda, coulda, woulda’s and just ALLOW yourself to enjoy your big special day with your partner. Remember that the most important thing is that you get married.
Cherish the time and the memories with your partner and allow yourself to let go of the rest. Know that you’re a radiant, gorgeous bride with that beautiful wedding day glow.
